some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
