Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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