I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
