right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
