Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
