Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
