i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
