Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
