i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize