im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
