Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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