I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
