I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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