Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
