Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They should really pass out barf bags in church
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
