Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
