We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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