FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm really busy with my period
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
