I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drunk is not a location!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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