True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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