my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
