yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
pray to the hookup gods
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
