shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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