Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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