There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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