summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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