I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
