DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
