Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
