I'm really into asian looking animals
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
