You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
