New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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