why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
