And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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