She is in my trunk
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
