She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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