If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
