Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
