he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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