Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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