im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
