i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
