wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
