R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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