I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Your dad touched me again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
