I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
