So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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