idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
