after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
