"it" just moved
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
