I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed