I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
