oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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