Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
