I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
