she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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