You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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