Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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