My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
