wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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