lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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