What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
